Hard Slog

I haven't posted anything is quite some time, nothing in over two months it looks like.  I apologize for not checking in more regularly.  The pages have been empty but the days have been quite full.  I went back to work full time around mid-August.  I landed in the Bureau of Oceans and International Environmental and Scientific Affairs in The Office of Policy and Public Outreach.  It is a mouthful but welcome to Washington - acronyms R US!  We've never met a name or concept that couldn't be obscured or complicated by the use of an acronym.  I felt that it was a good place for me to return to work - the issues are very interesting and important to me.  It was satisfying to be back to work, engaged, and contributing.  Things started to turn at end of September - I perceived a dip in my writing and was struggling to find the correct words to express myself.  Definitely a new symptom and an unnerving one.

Finding Home

What seemed to all of us to be a move without end has finally come to rest.  We've moved into a new house, on a new coast, and we are starting to feel settled.  Three years ago, we had just landed in Australia - and what an ocean of time ago that feels like now.  It has been a long journey and we're not done yet - we're feeling blessed to be starting a new chapter together.  Honestly, I also feel a bit weary.  It has been an extended and exhausting push to arrive here.  We will all just keep moving forward together...and try and enjoy the views along the way.

Surviving and Thriving

It has been two months since I last posted and a lot has happened.  We sold our place in San Francisco and bought a house in Northern Virginia which we plan to move into by the end of the month.  We are overjoyed, nervous, and grateful.  As recently as late January, I had serious doubts about reaching this point but here we are.  I have more people to thank for this than a gushing Oscar winner but I'd like to try.

How Far We've Come

It is bittersweet to put our place in San Francisco on the market.  We landed here feeling things were pretty dire and that we needed to find a place where we could all recover.  To put things in context, in the first ten months after my diagnosis, we moved five times, completed six trans-Pacific flights, and three hospitalizations.  We were all wiped out - physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  We needed a refuge and our small apartment here truly provided it.  The three of us also did a lot of growing in this space which the markings on Walt's closet show.

Breathing Room

Walt running while we are enjoying the spring weather,  having a BBQ at Chrissy Field 

Running wild - wait a minute, did he just bust out of Alcatraz?

The last few weeks have been full to brimming with both stress and fulfillment.  I will go right to the heart of it;  I had my MRI and appointment with my neuro-oncologist on Wednesday and it was continued good news.  I must say again, my tumor is not gone but my doctor said that it is the "best" it has ever looked in the two and a half years that she has been treating me.  The radiation can continue to work slowly, long after the treatment is finished, and that is what seems to be happening.  I'm also on the seventh cycle of my second round of chemotherapy and so far, I'm still tolerating it well.  It is very exciting and more than I could have hoped for.  My brain has a little more breathing room in my skull and I can feel the difference.

Equinox/Spring

I'm a week late for an equinox post - but spring is just hitting it's stride in Northern California.  Everything about our spring feels right, deep down into my bones.  A rebirth.  Easter, the flowers exploding, a new baseball season - the whole world is reset, rejuvenated, and reborn.  Can I tap into some of this?  I hope so....

Preparation

Walt having breakfast at the VA after walking mommy to work

I haven't checked in since my last MRI - all good news and we are doing well.  At this point in time, with an extensive grade three tumor in both hemispheres of my brain ... no news is good news and my last last MRI brought no news.  Chemo cycle 2.5 is in the books and I'm not much worse for the wear.  It is starting to seem like returning to D.C. is a good possibility but after talking with my doctor, I'd like to give it 2 more cycles before we decide.  However, does it seem tantalizing close and we are all excited.  I have been challenging myself more and I've found that my body has been up for the challenge.  I'm still trying to practice patience on a daily basis with about a 75% success rate.

Shedding

Trading portraits with Walt on the walk home from school

"The wilderness had patted him on the head, and behold, it was like a ball - an ivory ball; it had caressed him and - lo!- he had withered; it had taken him, loved him, embraced him, got into his veins, consumed his flesh, and sealed his soul to its own by the inconceivable ceremonies...."
No, I'm not headed up river but I can't help thinking about The Heart of Darkness whenever I see a reflection of myself.  It's odd but I'm pretty sure my brain made these leaps before it was radiated.  It is a daily reminder that cancer has reached out and altered me even on the days when it is far from my conscious mind and I'm feeling great.
I appreciate that everyone seems to think that the Professor Xavier look agrees with me but I must admit that for me it is a sign that the cancer patted me on the head.  Maybe it is a helpful prompt to keep my attention in the present and not waste any of this time.

Is it wrong to follow this quotation with - hey, I'm still feeling well?  Actually, I am feeling great.

Puppies and Rainbows

It's been over two months since my last post which caused some friends and colleagues concern.  Sorry about that.  My body and spirit are slowly recovering from the combo of surgery, radiation, and chemo.  I am still improving - honestly, I'm feeling better right now than at any time post-diagnosis.