Shedding

Trading portraits with Walt on the walk home from school

"The wilderness had patted him on the head, and behold, it was like a ball - an ivory ball; it had caressed him and - lo!- he had withered; it had taken him, loved him, embraced him, got into his veins, consumed his flesh, and sealed his soul to its own by the inconceivable ceremonies...."
No, I'm not headed up river but I can't help thinking about The Heart of Darkness whenever I see a reflection of myself.  It's odd but I'm pretty sure my brain made these leaps before it was radiated.  It is a daily reminder that cancer has reached out and altered me even on the days when it is far from my conscious mind and I'm feeling great.
I appreciate that everyone seems to think that the Professor Xavier look agrees with me but I must admit that for me it is a sign that the cancer patted me on the head.  Maybe it is a helpful prompt to keep my attention in the present and not waste any of this time.

Is it wrong to follow this quotation with - hey, I'm still feeling well?  Actually, I am feeling great.
I've been testing myself, keeping a careful log of my daily ups and downs, and I've been steadily feeling stronger.  I'm scheduled for an MRI in a week and that will shed some objective light on what is happening inside my skull.  Reading radiology reports about your own brain tumor is an odd feeling - the description is very detached, the brain split and fractured into its component parts, and then reconstructed in an obscure foreign language.  I've been reading these reports for two and a half years now and the strangeness of it never subsides.
Two weeks ago, I made a trip out to Washington to deal with the stuff I had in State Department storage.  I had received an e-mail in December unceremoniously informing me that my things needed to be out by the end of the month (Happy New Year!) but I negotiated a solution to pay for a couple of extra weeks and come clear it out in January.  An old friend came with me to help me with this assignment which I thought would be emotionally and physically draining.  It did turn out to be physically taxing but emotionally liberating.  I winnowed sixteen hundred pounds of stuff down to six boxes.  I kept letters, pictures, and some childhood things I thought Walt might enjoy.  Suffice it to say, the Goodwill in Hagerstown, MD had a very good day.  I was dreading going through this stuff and parting with things but I found it to be surprisingly easy.  Stuff just seems to be pretty empty right now and it felt good to shed it.