Eclipses & Ellipses...

It has been a very long time since I posted anything - and that can either be positive or negative - or a bit of both which is, in fact, the case.

The last three months have been some of my healthiest since I was diagnosed.  I've weaned completely off of the steroid decadron which has made me feel much better and more like myself.  My steroid "moonface"  and "hump" have receded.  I've felt calmer and less edgy.  The post-chemo fatigue which plagued me at the end of treatment  seemed to be improving.  My last scan in March was stable.  
Life was beginning to seem normal.  I was starting to wonder if, hmm, maybe I've cracked the formula for managing my brain cancer.  The key phrase there is managing - the cancer really hasn't gone anywhere or changed - so that means it is still large, diffuse, and extensive.  But I felt as if I had achieved an equilibrium.   I want to manage my symptoms and keep myself as healthy as possible.  I felt successful in this.  I'm not sure if this should be called hubris or optimism but either way, it preceded a fall or a stumble at least.
I had my first seizure in almost five months two weeks ago.  The acute symptoms weren't too bad but the headache which followed left me out of commission for close to a week.  All in all, familiar territory and I'm feeling better again.
Yet the aftermath of this fleeting episode has stayed with me.  I wonder if it indicates a change.  I'm concerned about the symptoms growing worse.  I feel deflated after having the sense that I had "figured it out."  All pretty normal I suppose.
The eclipse last Sunday seemed to embody the feeling that something was out of whack; the stars (or at least the moon) were literally out of alignment.
Of course, this is bunk.  We knew that eclipse was coming, how long it would last,  and when the next one will happen.  My current situation demands living through the days of the calendar with no such certainty.