Another Turn

If you don't know San Francisco, UCSF is the large complex at the foot of Sutro Tower

We woke up Sunday morning to find the fog lifted and the glorious Bay Area fall had begun.  The scent in the air is different, the light is transformed, and one has the unmistakeable sense that a new season has arrived.  It drives me nuts when I hear the refrain,"I like California but I wouldn't want to live somewhere without seasons."  A day like Sunday is as distinct and dramatic to me as the explosion of color in a New England hardwood forrest.  You just need to adjust the sensitivity of your perception.  The signs are subtle but the difference is rich and varied.
This is somewhat analogous to how attuned you can become to subtle shifts in your body.  Doctors are pretty frank about the fact that the MRI is an imperfect tool; a remarkable one but a window into the brain that lacks fine sensitivity.  I could feel the change in my cancer before it showed up on a scan.  
The good news from here is that after nearly a month of radiation, I'm feeling much stronger than when I started which has confounded my expectations in an entirely positive way.
Steph shaved my head over the weekend.  My hair was shedding too quickly to put it off any longer.  It was both psychological and practical relief.  I've have said throughout this experience how important it has been for me to express and examine what it is happening to myself and my body directly and honestly.  I immediately felt that a burden had been lifted even if I do a double take every time a catch a reflection of myself.  The more prosaic effect I didn't see coming - it has cooled my head off.  Since I began radiation, I've had the sensation that my head has been literally radiating heat.  There is no cool side of the pillow; I lay my head on a pillow and it is immediately overheated.  The radiation causes a sunburn effect on the skin of the targeted area.  Getting rid of my hair has helped relieve this tremendously.

I am nearly two-thirds done with the radiation treatment.  I honestly try not to think about being finished but instead stay focused and present every day.  The treatment is still uncomfortable but is easier to endure now that I see glimmers of a positive outcome.  Still, two weeks is a long time and some side effects can continue to emerge weeks after the actual treatment is finished.  Other side effects can take years to emerge.  
It is a physical, emotional, and spiritual high wire act.  Two-thirds of the way across Niagara Falls is no time to celebrate.
Step.  Step.  Step.