Commonweal

It's hard to believe it's been four months since I attended the Commonweal Cancer Help Program for a week in Bolinas just south of Point Reyes.  I stayed at Pacific House above and spent hours walking and sitting on this bluff over looking the ocean.  The wild irises are blooming all over the bluffs now in late March.  I came home from my retreat in December having learned so much - I had a burning desire to write about the experience which I now view as a turning point in how I understood my cancer.  Unfortunately, I also left Commonweal with a raging infection in my teeth, that was probably related to the chemo or steroids or both.  In any case, I was in pretty rough shape for the next two months and I lost the drive to work on much of anything.  I was only able to share my thoughts on the week with Steph in bits and pieces.

So now, having just come from our first alumni day together, it seems like the right time to reflect on it.

What is Commonweal?  You can check-out the link here to look at everything thing they do but their core program, the thing that began the organization is the Cancer Help Program - a week long retreat held six times a year the address issues confronting people living with a cancer diagnosis.  They have been doing it for over twenty-five years and have definitely cracked the alchemy of what this type of retreat can be.

It is probably fair to say that individuals find what they need at any given time in their cancer journey.  Only eight people participate in each retreat - not including the remarkable staff.  The core of the program involves yoga, learning about alternative medicine, nutrition, the spiritual and subconscious dimension of a cancer diagnosis, lots on conversation and even more deep, attentive listening - if sounds like a late sixties early seventies time warp to a different Bay Area it is that but much, much more.

People come to find community, accept death, find ways to heal, to "understand" what has happened insomuch as that is possible - it is not a one size fits all "solution" to cancer.

Alumni day is quite a different vibe - participants from any program, some having attended 20 years ago, come to renew bonds and share them with new friends.  It is a privilege to be a member of that community ( very exclusive - you need cancer and an open mind! ) and it was great to share a small sample of it with Steph.

It could fill pages with the insights and experiences I gained over the week but I could boil it down to one fundamental shift in my consciousness: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love My Tumor?

Not exactly but something along those lines.  Acceptance.  The realization that I could continue to go on living my life, knowing that no miracle extraction of my cancer was imminent, and still remain myself.  Sounds pretty simple; it is not.  But I view it as a milestone on this road and I will be eternally grateful to all the folks at Commonweal for helping me get there.